i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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