I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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