Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
