Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
