Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
