So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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