It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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