god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
