Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Vodka?
Forever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
