it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
