Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
