Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
