I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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