I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ketchup is God's man juice
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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