i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
