Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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