I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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