Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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