We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
