I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
