just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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