I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
