Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
