I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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