Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
