I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
