Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
