so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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