Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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