I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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