Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
