there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
