If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
