the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
