I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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