I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
