brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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