Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
