you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
