Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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