GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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