Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
