Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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