She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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