I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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