Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
