Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
