hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize