Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
