my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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