Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize