Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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