Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
