Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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