I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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