The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
accomplished twins. life is a go
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Randomize
