I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
