Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
