I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
