i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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