Little spoons don't ask big questions
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
