I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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