I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.