i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
