If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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